Fashionista!

Lucy was so excited for her first day of school. We got her all dolled up and got her back pack on her. She jumped in the car and we were off. I pulled up to the front of the school and turned around to tell her to jump out and saw this...

She was insistant that she wear her swim goggles with no lenses to school and that her teacher would think she is so cute. Unfortunately for Lu Lu, Challenger has a no goggle policy.

Casanova Kai...

Kai came home from school the first week of school and had a sealed envelope in his backpack. I pulled it out and it had his name on it. I asked him what it was, he said a letter from someone in class. So the nosey mom that I am, I ripped it open and found a card with some weird wolf on it...I opened the card and saw this...

I read it and looked at Kai...he had a huge grin on his face. I said, "Way to go Kai!" and gave him a high 5. I said, "Is Brigitte your Girlfriend?" He said, no...she is just my friend.

The next day I was walking Kai to school and I said, "bye Kai!" as he started walking across the street. The crossing guard said, "This is Kai? I hear about Kai every day after school for hours! My daughter thinks he is so cute and cool!" Then she said, "My daughter is Brigitte!"

Kai again was just grinning from ear to ear. He was trying to be cool about it, but I could see that he was loving every minute of it!

Yesterday I checked his back pack and he had a little card in his back pack that said, "Kai, I dont have a crush on you any more. Actually I dont have a crush on anyone. Write back, Brigitte."

I said, "I'm so sorry Kai. How does that make you feel?" He said, "Its ok...now we can be best friends. I want Brigitte to be my best friend. I dont want her to have a crush on me."

So there you go...this love story all worked out in the end.

Kids in School...

So the kids started school a couple of weeks ago.

Lu Lu started Preschool and is LOVING every minute of it. On the day before school we went to meet her teacher. The teacher said, "Whats your name?" Lucy said, "My name is Lu lu and you're going to love me!" It was awesome!

Kai is having a great time in school as well. He has made some great friends and loves to walk to school. We rode bikes to school one day but it was so windy and he crashed his bike and hasnt wanted to do that since. He has reverted back to walking. He meets Zoe at the flag pole after school and they start walking home then I meet them at the cross walk. Its one of my favorite things to do with them.

Zoe is loving school as well. She says she is very popular and I believe it :) She loves to pick out her outfit for school everyday. She is such a big girl when going to school. Gives big kisses and hugs, yells bye mom! And then runs to her class and doesnt look back. She is such a strong brave little lady!

Gotta love these little crazies!

Hello Again...

Great news...I've actually been training for the Nike Womens Marathon. I know I know...I can hardly believe it either. I made a contract...signed it and put it on my fridge. I have only missed 1 day of running so far from my running schedule. I dont know why I didnt do the dang contract to begin with. :)
I've felt pretty good with my running as well...minus the most painful knee ever. Even with the knee stuff I feel like I am making progress. It feels good to be dedicated and not let outside influences effect weather or not I run...or run well. That may all change tomorrow...but for now I'm doing pretty good.
I have a few goals that I have set for myself for the marathon. One is ONLY walk if I am DYING...i mean litterally DYING...not just hurting. Two is to not exceed a 10 min/mile average. I know that seems pretty weak as a goal...but basically what I am saying is that I want to be in the 9's. I may get a little more specific as I get closer to the race. But my biggest goal of all...my third goal... ENJOY IT!!!! I am getting more and more excited about this everyday and more and more nervous about it as well. I want to be able to enjoy the experience and still want to be able to say when its over that i want to run another marathon. I would love to actually say that i am a "marathon runner". Wouldn't that be nice! Ha ha!
I'll keep all of my dedicated readers out there posted to my progress. I know...it is just facinating to read about :)
Signing off...
Ap

Team Paige/Wasatch Back 2008

I just read my girl friend Mandy's take on this last weekend of our race...it was the perfect description of what happened. I dont want to rip off her blog post...so I will try my best to share from my own experience.

We had an AMAZING experience last year as a team. We werent the fastest bunch, but we could hang. We had a great time together...bonded like most women dont bond in a life time since we were in such close quarters for so long. Unbelievably we finished with the same amount of enthusiasum as we started.

This year was a bit different for many reasons. One of them being a heartbreaking story about a little girl named Paige. Let me explain...

Last year we had my brother in law Chase's mom, Natalie come run with us. I hadnt really gotten to know her that well prior to that, but was excited that she would come help us out. She ended up being THE GLUE that held us together last year. She was the one that at the end of the race everyone could honestly say...I LOVE HER!!!! She wasn't the speediest, but we didn't care...we needed every bit of her to get through that race.


I continued to get closer to Natalie after that...I mean, how can you not! She is the best. In September, I got a call from my sister Heather letting me know that Paige, Natalie's 5 year old little girl had been killed in a car accident down in California. They were down there for Stephan's football game, but had decided to make a little trip of it and was on the way to see Wicked the musical, but they didnt make it. A semi hit them, essentially pinning Natalie in the car, crushing her ribs, and immediatly killing Paige. Paige had been asleep and did not suffer at all but was taken instantly.


I was so heart broken for my friend. She had been through so much already in life and to have this, was just unbelievable. I went to the funeral and as I leaned down to give her a hug and kiss...Natalie said, "Can we run for Paige?" I said, "Absolutely". I knew what she was talking about with her saying anything further. She wanted to run the wasatch back in honor of her little angel Paige.

We got a team together of past runners and some new recruits. We started the race on Friday morning at 10:20. I was so excited to be able to do this for my friend...I could tell that it meant so much to Natalie that we all were there to run in memory of Paige. Along the way, we started having some setbacks that made it difficult for our team. I was letting alot of it really get to me.


Unlike the year before, we had some things come along the way that were just so hard to put behind and move on. As a team, we were much slower this year. We felt like at times that we would just never finish. I lost or better yet...someone stole my ipod. My camera was busted and is irrepairable. I was trying my best to just let go of it and enjoy myself, but because of my own personal life...I couldn't. The ipod was BRAND SPANKING NEW! The camera was a pretty nice camera and if any of you have seen the pics I take of my kids...then you would know its a big part of my life. There were quite a few bumps in the road this year...ipods, cameras, injuries, personality clashes, slower than normal, and so on.


One of the true highlights of the race was the porta poties...I am NOT exagurating. They were an absolute treat. Last year however, that was not the case. The smell alone was something that could knock your sox off when you walked in. This year, Rebecca and I went to use the "Honey Bucket" around one of the first legs and I said, ok...hold your breath. I walked in and said, "WOW! It actually smells...GOOD!" They also were equipt with a hand sanitizer right in the "Honey Bucket". We loved them so much that our team name from here on out starting next year is "The Honey Buckets" Our slogan you ask? "Our shit dont stink". We might have adjust that to "Our poop dont stink". (Credit for that is due to Rebecca!)


My legs of the race were tough. I was not as prepared as I would have liked to be. Life has been busy and life changes have made it hard to get out and run. My first leg was Avon pass...WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! Never ever ever ever again will I do that. It was excrusiating. It was 7.5 miles up hill on a dusty road with not much shade that never seemed to end. To avoid rolling my ankle or falling, I started running funny and didnt notice it until I felt a pain in my knee. It was then that I noticed that I was running with my right foot turned out a bit. I was doing that to get a better footing on the ground, but it completely messed my knee up. My lungs felt great, but my legs were shot. I ended up doing about a 12 minute mile average up it. Which I was pleased as punch about. Sounds slow? Probably was...but give it a shot and let me know you do!


Then there was my leg 2. I was nervous about it because it was about 6 miles...mainly flat...but my knee was in alot of pain. I started running and within about 100 yards, I had a red hot burning pain on the outer part of my right knee. I kept running through it and didnt want to say anything to the van. I should have just shut up, but as they caught up to me, I let them know. I knew that I was slowing us down and I was DYING in pain. I was praying the whole time begging heavenly father to help me get through it and to let me continue. At the point that I couldnt take the pain any longer, I came up to the van and Rebecca was out ready to run...she said, Amy, get in the car, I'm running for you. I had gone about 3.5 miles before I couldnt take another step. Rebecca took off in a flash and finished the last of it for me. I got very emotional as I headed into the van and I'm so glad that it was dark so they couldnt see that I was teary eyed. I HATED with everything in me giving that leg up. I felt like such a failure. I was afraid that i wouldnt be able to do my next leg.


Then leg 3...I was bound and determined to get this leg finished one way or the other. There was no way I was going to let this get me. I was SO mad that I had given up the night prior. But not today! It was an easy leg of 4.5 miles downhill, but there was still in so much pain in my knee. I started down the hill and man alive it hurt...but I just blocked it out. I got into my groove and did it. I was so happy that i was able to redeem myself for my team for a bit.


I was also able to help out on leg 9... the leg before ragnar. It was exhausting to try to run up that thing, but we did it.

I was so blessed and lucky to have some great friends with me in my van...my aunt Rebecca and my good friend Mandy. They kept me sane through this race. I also met a new friend who was equally as genuine and I am so excited to get to know better, Andrea. We had many laughs along the way. One of my favorite moments was when we were waking up in the morning on day 2 after a pretty long decent sleep (not usually supposed to happen during these types of races, but being a little slower has its benefits I guess) and Mandy saying, "I am SO proud of us...I just can hardly believe that we are doing this!" I thought that she was refering to the race and that she was giving us a little boost of encouragement. She continued by saying, "I am just amazed that we can pull this off! Have 4 women sleep in a mini-van mashed in here like sardines!". I really gave it some thought...at that point in the race, that was more impressive to me than anything :)

While we were sleeping however, van 2 had a long night. Sweet Natalie was doing her best...she walked her leg with many of her team mates by her side. They pulled her along and did everything they could to encourage and keep her up. She herself was in a lot of pain because of her injuries. But she did it...she wanted to do it for Paige. I am so proud of her.


Along the way, we had many people come up and ask us to tell them about Paige. Many got teary eyed. A few mentioned that they had a hard time when we would drive past them while they were running because they would see this sweetest little girl's picture and new that it was in memory of her and that she was no longer with us. I know that Natalie touched many people along the way.

We finally finished after it seemed like 2 eternities had passed. By the time we came across the finish line there wasn't much left of a venue. I was very discouraged, sad, frustrated, and confused all at the same time. I had such a different vision of what this would be for our team, for Natalie, for me. Our team ran across the finish line together holding pictures of Paige...then it hit me when I saw Natalie, her son Stephan, Chase, and Brooke. That it was ok...we had been through hell and back throughout the past day and it was to a certain extent embarrasing, but it was ok. We werent there to be a big fancy fast team. We were there for a different reason, for our friend Natalie and for sweet Paige.

It has taken me a few days to really let that sink in. I had a very difficult night after I got home that night. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I was holding on to the fact that I had busted my rear to do something that was SO difficult and yet we still came in near to last place. I ran as fast as I could through excursiating pain because I didnt feel that we could afford to slack at all. I did the best i could possibly do and it seemed that we came up short. Along the way, we started joking about how we would get stuck in a hard spot while running and we would remember the old church video of the boy that fell down and then he heard the words of his father saying, "get up and finish the race". That ended up just being the goal...nothing more than just finishing the race. There was a point that I was in so much pain while I was running and just started praying and thinking about Paige. I know that she was there along the way...I know that she was there with her mom. I got very weepy during that run for a few reasons...one because I was thinking of how hard it would be to go through was Natalie has and then also because i just knew that Paige was there. I was still weepy when I had to bail on my run, some because I had to quit...others because of the spirit that I was feeling and the comfort I was feeling.

Even through all of that, I had to have and still am working on an attitude adjustment... just finishing was not good enough for me and it was eating me alive. I have since taken a good hard look at me, and have decided that it was all for a purpose. It doesnt mean I am happy about my ipod, camera, and hurt knee, but I am happy that I was able to maybe lift the spirits or help a friend in need. There will be other years to try to kick some butt...but this was not the year for it. I am greatful for this experience. I came home that night and put my kids in bed with me. I just held them and loved them and thanked Heavenly Father for allowing me to have them with me.


I was pretty lonely that night as well. I just wanted to have someone put thier arms around me and tell me that I did a good job. That even though it didnt turn out like I had thought that I still was awesome. I just wanted someone to take care of me and to help me with my injuries so that I could get feeling better. Just someone to lean on and let me cry to. I cried for hours that night...I tried to go to sleep but it was so hard to let go of the pitty party that i was having that night. It was a BIG OLE party. Some of the worst guests that seem to linger after you are ready for the party to be over...a guy named loneliness, a guy name heartache, his retared friend named discouraged, and who can forget the worst guest of all failure. I knew if I slept that i would be ok the next day. It was true, but I still had a major pitty party hang over :)


Things are better today...I'm looking at this for what it was and being greatful for it. I am looking forward for the race next year and the Honey Buckets debut.


All in all the lesson that I learned is to just get up and finish the race. No matter what.

Vera Wang move over!

I never know what we're going to get when Lucy gets dressed. I've taken the philosophy that she can dress herself (mainly cuz she wont have it any other way) if we dont have to be in public. Wait, I take that back...she did wear her tinkerbell dress to the grocery store today. Well anyway...she takes great pride in her outfits.
This particular one is her swim suit with a t-shirt, a pair of cotton tights with her flip flops. She was so excited about this one! She usually goes through about 5 of these types of outfits a day. SO much laundry, but I get a kick out of seeing what she comes up with.
When I was getting Lucy ready for bed, she was distraught because she said she had left some stuff at the park. It was already dark so I took Kai with me for protection...I looked around in the dark and could see scattered peices of clothing. I found EVERY peice of this outfit at the park except the swim suit. She was so relieved to get her clothes back. We had a nice little talk about not taking clothes off except at home...I cant tell you how many peices of her clothes I find in my car, the yard, the park. It is awesome....it is what makes Lucy. She dances to the beat of her own drum without a doubt. I LOVE Lucy!

Smile in your liver...

After a meeting at work today I decided to take a little drive up the canyon. I have recently fallen in love with the mountains. It all started when I started really noticing them on my way to work everyday. Everytime it would snow, I would look up from the office and see these amazing white giants with blue skies behind them. It was something that fasinated me.

On with my drive...It was about dusk so the mountains were big, beautiful, and glowing. I put on my tunes and started heading up the canyon. I had the uncontrollable urge to drive fast, sing at the top of my lungs with my sun roof down, and take in the awesome views of my new favorite thing to look at and be in the middle of.

I started on my jaunt but immediatly I got stuck behind an old fart in his Lexus with his 20 somthing year old "lady friend" on a leisurly joy ride. I got a little impatient...dont they know this toe-up from the flo-up mom driving my *mini-mini van needed to get my ride on? FINALLY i passed them and I was FREE.

I began zipping up the canyon and just loving the view. The snow up there was still so awesome. You would think that I would have enough of snow by now, but for some reason it really hit the spot today. I found a trail to a peak that I want to hike when it gets warmer. It is "storm mountain" and is right next to my favorite peak...Twin peak (not the one in a.f.).

I kept driving...not thinking about anything but just enjoying. I started to relax and tried to be present to experience every sense that was happening. The view, the air, my music. I felt like I could just keep driving forever and would be so content.

That is when I felt the most amazing thing I haven't felt in a long time...happiness! True and pure and clear happiness. It was unbelievable. I actually started laughing to myself, not because anything was funny but because it felt so amazing. It was in my liver all the way into my heart and then up to my mind.

There is a part in Eat Pray Love when this old cute medicine man tells Elizabeth, "To meditate, only you must smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clear away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver." He goes on to say that when you smile from your liver then you really believe your happiness because it is all the way through you. Anyone can put on a happy face, but to smile from your liver, that is when you know you're truely at peace and happy. I was totally smiling in my liver.

At the time all this happy happy joy love feeling was happening, the thing I kept thinking is "why are you so happy? Where did this come from?" I can take a few stabs in the dark on that one, which is for me to know and to hold on to. It was just simply amazing.

I think I'll be taking lunch breaks like that more often :)

*The reference about the mini-mini van needs to be clarified. I call it that, but it actually is NOT a mini van. Just wanted to make that clear :)

Banana Pancakes

I'm so in need of some "easy" days. They are just around the corner, I can feel it! I have been listening to my music today and Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson came on. I have heard this song MILLIONS of times but today I just wanted to sit and relax and listen to this mello song about just chillin in bed, getting cozy on a rainy day.

What sounds better than waking up slow on a rainy day, staying in bed, ignoring the phone and the alarm, making banana pancakes and just chillin like its the weekend. OH gosh...I need to snap out of it and get into reality. But wow, for a minute I took a little trip into Jack Johnsons "no worries-ville". And it was a great little trip!

MY favorite things...

I am SUCH a "favorite things" person! When I saw Heidi's fav things, I had to do it! I love reading other peoples faves too.

Its always funny to look back at your old fave things lists to see how retarded you were in the past.

So here goes... My favorite things!

1. My Blue Bike...oh i love it so much! I dont know why really...its not like i ever ride it :) But I sure do love it!

2. Chile Verde Burrito at Guadalahonkys

3. COKE fountain drink, glass bottle or in the can...NOT in any kind of plastic bottle! Its like a fine wine when accompanied with the Chile Verde Burrito!

4. Dove body glow subtle self tanner lotion. UTAH WINTERS SUCK! The only way to keep some color!

5. Suave Cocoa and Shea Butter body wash...smells SO good. (You can get it as low as .97 at
walmart!!)

6. My intelligel bed...I have yet to find anything that would compare...UNBELIEVEABLE!

7. Black and white or sepia pics of my kids. One of my most favorite things to take and make and look at. A friend of mine from work actually asked me if I would come and take her kids pics rather than going to Kiddie Kandids when she saw the pics at my desk of my kids! I was honored! Hopefully I dont screw it up :)

8. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. A great true story of how a sweet broken down girl was able to turn her hurt, shame, guilt and self loathing into peace, self love and ultimatly found the person under all of that mess that she was looking for. An older wiser and Oak Tree version of HER.

8. Movie Theatre popcorn WITH extra butter in the middle AND on top with a large Coke. OH MY GOSH...one of my guiltiest of pleasures.

9. My Sanuk shoes. So Cute yet so comfy. I saw these things at the outdoor retail show and just had to have them.

10. Latin Ballroom Dancing...watching and dancing. Oh i love it!!! If only Michael Walker would get his little tushy back into Utah so I could have a dance parter.

11. Peach Pleasure Jamba with Soy protien boost. Not to mention it has the least amount of calories because it is all fruit and SUPER delicious.

12. Ab ripper X from P90X. I swear it is the BEST ab work out I've ever done. I have been pretty religious...no six pack yet. Could it be the buttered popcorn? Anyway, highly recommended. I hate it, but I LOVE it!

(I just noticed that more than half of my list is food...oh gosh!)

The little Perezies own blog

I've decided to make a blog specifically for my kids and our adventures together. It is kaizoelucy.blogspot.com.

I'm going to keep this blog mainly for my my personal rantings and ravings. I have felt a little weird about not giving my kids thier share of the spotlight on my blog...so now they have thier own.

Enjoy

I heart ME!

I have set out on a little mission within my heart and head recently. I have decided to go on a little walkabout to learn to love myself. It is something that is completely foreign to me...I didn't think that it was THAT foreign, but as I've started studying myself I have come to realize that I was further away from it than I had thought.

I need to fall in love with ME. I need to love me enough to let go of shame, guilt, and the things that I have done that are hurtful, embrace the pure good in me and fill in the empty spots with things that will bring me peace.

This sounds all good and great right? Well, let me assure you my friends that this is a hard dang road, but a very rewarding road at that. I have turned my guts inside out and taken a good hard look at them. Not a pretty sight...but progress has come.

The purpose of this blog is so that I can actually make a statement of things that I love/like about myself. (I almost just barfed in my mouth when I wrote that...it makes my stomach hurt thinking about it really!)

Those of you that read this may not agree that you love these things about me...that's OK. Its not about what you love about me right now. Its what I love/like about me.
OK...Here goes...sending it out into the universe!

I like my sense of humor. A little edgy and sometimes crass...but it is something that I like about me.

I like my belly button. SAY WHAT YOU WANT...I love it.
(see..me still caring what other people think...AAAHHH!!!)

I love the way I love my kids. I sit on them and kiss them and nibble on them and smell them and cant get enough of every sense. They might not love it...but I sure do!

I love the way I speak to God. He gets me.

I like my eyes. But lets be clear here...not the wrinkles around my eyes, but my eye balls themselves. I have always liked the color of them.

I like that I am verbally equip if needs be. (I'm guessing that some may NOT like this about me, but hey...I like it)

I like my sense of style...or lack of style :)

I love that I'm not afraid of hard work and am a very hard worker (Thanks to my dad:)

And last but not least...

I like that I can apologize.

There you have it...what I like/love about me.

Running...UGH!!

I have taken a little break since my last half marathon from running. It was a hard race for me for some reason... I got so sick after and I thought...is this worth it?

Here's the thing with it. I am SO sick of fast runners...don't really care for them at all! Mainly cuz I'm jealous. Its like they have this elite little community and unless you can break a 7 min mile on a marathon they wont let you in their club. It bothered me so bad for a while...now i say screw em. I didn't start running to be able to bust out a 7 min mile marathon. I did it because of the way it made me feel. I did it because I felt that I had pushed myself to do something hard. I did it because it was a sense of accomplishment for me. I don't want to compare myself to others with running. It takes the fun and enjoyment out of it. (I still say screw em :) Oops...My jealousy rearing its ugly head again.

So this is my official "I'm still on the running wagon" blog. Running is for ME...no one else and if I were to just bag it because I feel bad?...well that's just stupid. For some reason I cant give it up. No matter how slow I am, i have to remind myself why I started running and why it is such an important thing for me.

So here is my update on my running...
My marathon training schedule started Monday...I had sworn it off like the plague...but decided that I just needed to do it if I was going to get through this marathon in October. I got out and ran 4 miles Monday. It felt great-ish. I ran outside and that part was awesome. I have been a slave to the treadmill for a while and am SO sick of it.

Then came Tuesdays run....I thought, I dont need to do it (lazy!) but I packed my running stuff for work in case I found it in me to do it. Well my co-worker Mikey is getting ready for the Wasatch Back and needed to get a run in too. So we drug each other out on a 5 miler or so...it was good to run with someone. I havent run with anyone for a while and it sure makes a difference.

Then today Wednesday...ran outside again. I felt great...listened to some awesome tunes and tried to clear my head. Oh I love running sometimes...best therapy ever.

So there you have it! I have been 100% diligent so far on keeping with my marathon schedule. All 3 days of it!

Job well done to me!

Pull it together you sissy!

Oh what a day... I wanted to share my experience. Too personal?...dont care!

I had a tearful weepy night last night and couldnt seem to pull myself out of it...I woke up not feeling a whole lot better. I started the day with a prayer for comfort and peace. I was very blah in my effort to talk to heavenly father. I felt so drained, tired and not wanting to put much into it...just wanted to have it taken away from me by just sitting there thinking about praying but not actually putting my full self into it. Lame...i know.
I got up and went to church to help ease some pain. Church was good...I felt a sense of love and comfort from some unexpected sources but was still so weepy and knowing that I needed to get my sorry butt to work later and needed to pull it together. I came home and hunkered down...got the kids fed, put dinner in the crock pot, cleaned up the house and headed to work. As I was pulling into work...oh the stupid floodgates burst! I was saying...WHAT THE CRAP AMY!! PULL IT TOGETHER YOU SISSY! SHEEZ!
I was early for work so I decided to read a little from the book I've been reading. I had lost my place in the book and it was marked on a page that I had already read. I opened it and started reading...one of my most favorite parts...this is what I read.
Here it is...
"I remember kneeling down one morning, touching my forehead to the floor and muttering to my creator, "oh, I dunno what I need...but you must have some ideas...so just do something about it, would you?"
"Similar to the way I have oftentimes spoken to my hairdresser. And I'm sorry but thats a little lame. You can imagine God regarding that prayer with an arched eyebrow, and sending back this message: "Call me again when you decide to get serious about this." (so funny)
"Of course God already knows what I need. The question is- do I know? Casting yourself at God's feet in helpless desperation is all well and good- heaven knows, I've done it myself pleanty of times - but ultimately you're likely to get more out of the experience if you can take some action on your end. "

She goes on to tell an old italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging, "Dear saint- please, please, please...give me the grace to win the lottery." This lament goes on for months. Finally the exastperated statue comes to life, looks down at the begging man and says in wary disgust, "My son-Please, please, please...buy a ticket."

"Prayer is a relationship: half the job is mine!"

This goes right along with the scripture... "Faith with out works is dead". Dont ask me where to find it...i just know that one from seminary.

After I read this sitting in my car I thought. DUH! I did just what she had done...muttered some desperate plea of "do something would ya?" I hadn't done my end of actually communicating with God of what I needed and how I was hoping he would help me. I then prayed...a very detailed prayer and had the heart to heart that we needed to have. I will say...Prayer works! The floodgates have closed for now :) All is good.

Our adventure to Cali...

I decided to take my kids on a little adventure this last week to California. It was so great! We went to the beach, the aquarium, disneyland and Seaworld. The kids were able to see Kerry and had a great time with him.
The kids were SO good for those 3 days. They had so much fun and were little troopers the whole time. We got up at 3 am on Wednesday morning to make our 6 am flight. I had given them a pep talk the night before about getting up ontime and not crying or whinning when I come to wake them up. I woke them up and they all 3 popped up out of bed without a wimper! They were dressed and ready to go within minutes. Kai and Zoe kept saying, "Come on mom...we're going to miss our flight. LETS GO!" We were out the door and ready to roll by 3:30 am. They were SO excited.
Kai and Zoe had to sit at the front of the plane alone and lucy and I were towards the back SEPARATED! It was quite funny to see Lucy sitting between these 2 big men...(dont worry folks I could see her the whole time!) she didnt move a muscle. Just sat nicely watching her tv and eating animal crackers. What a cool little girl!
At disneyland, the girls got thier pictures taken with the princesses...they were in heaven. Kai's favorite ride was star tours...I nearly hurled after! BLAH!
The beach was amazing...there is nothing better than the beach. Oh I love the beach! I took as many pics as I could and am excited to see how I can crop and zoom in to get some of my favorite sepia pics. They found a jellyfish even...dead of course! Poor lucy got rolled in a wave...fully dressed in a sweater and skirt. She was VERY mad about that. I remember the first time I got rolled in a wave...I never made peace with the ocean since. NO LIE! I need to overcome that I think. I love the ocean to look at and the beach to chill on, but the waves scare me. I need to add that to my list of accomplishments this year...MAKE PEACE WITH THE OCEAN :)
Then there was Seaworld...the place where as a kid I decided that i wanted to be a dolphin trainer and hung onto that dream until someone pointed out that I was going to have to be in the ocean. DANG IT! I still love dolphins and killer whales. I am so retarded...during the Shamu show I actually got teary eyed! HA HA! What a head case I am! Anyway, it was so cool to see. I tried SO hard to get Kai to touch a dolphin during the feeding time, but we didnt have any fish and those dang dolphins would come right up to us and we would reach as FAR as we could...but then would bale as soon as they realized that we didnt have the goods! Stupid Dolphins!
Kai told me that it was my black sleeve on my sweatshirt that was driving them away...i told him that I thought it was his orange sleeve...he rolled it up but still no luck.
All in all, it was a great trip. The kids were so happy to see Kerry and it was great to be in sunny california.
TTFN

Goals

Earlier this year, I wrote in my journal about the things that I want to accomplish this year. I figured I needed to throw them out there even further into blogworld...maybe then I'll actually do them.
Already I've noticed that a couple of them may not happen...I will revamp as the year goes on.
So here they are in no particular order...

My First Marathon (Schedule to take place on Oct 19th in San Francisco!)
1/2 Ironman (one of those that may not take place but will always be on the list)
Wasatch Back Relay (Running again with my ladies...GO TEAM PAIGE)
Travel outside of the US (I just applied for my passport...should be here soon!)
Read the B.O.M. (Making my way through some pretty slow stuff right now. Something about Isaiah)
Start School
Take Ballroom Dance
Keep a Journal (check!)
Lose 10 lbs (a newly added once since I chubbied up within the last couple of months)

Here are my kids goals...
OH! This first one kills me!!!! I have failed miserably already. Just keep moving forward!
No Yelling
Read 20 minutes a day with them
Read Scriptures to them daily
Hot breakfast 3x week or more
Good dinners nightly
Compliment them daily
Ask Questions about thier day
Teach them something every day

Ok...its out there...now lets see if I can deliver!

Finally...GRASS

I got it all done! I have to say that there is a sense of pride that I have by getting this yard in by my self...ok with the help of a team of 2 mexicans that can throw down a sprinkler system in a day...o0ps forgot about them. Ok...so what I meant to say is that the front yard is in...grass and everything. It looks great! I think...maybe is just looks great to me because I'm comparing it to the dirt that was there before. Regardless, I got all of the sod in with the help of Tonya and Jaime Brotherton. Love them! I was so happy to have their help today. I will post a picture of my work later.

One downer for the day...I wore my dang flip flops while I was laying the sod and my feet are now like SANDPAPER! They were so dirty and dry and UGLY! My feet look like they aged about 50 years today from walking in dirt all day. No Lie! Oh the scars of a hard working woman :) He he!

Friend of the day...

I just wanted to say HOLLLAA to my friend of the day... Emily! I couldnt ask for a sweeter lady in my life. Yesterday, she just showed up at my house with a little treat that looked exactly like the cupcake in the picture. It was all wrapped up in a box with a bow. She is such a great friend to me! I would post a picture of her, but she would probably kill me. (Not to mention, I dont think I have one.) I am so happy to have her in my life. I just hope that I can be there for her the way that she always is for me. I love you Em!

I GOT IN!!!!

After much deliberation and CRYING for a day straight about not getting into the Nike Women's Marathon...those sons of guns let me in!!! I can barely handle it! They messed up on my registration and didn't actually put me in the lottery after I had registered....so i emailed and called and waited. About an hour ago, I GOT MY ACCEPTANCE!!!

I've wanted to do a marathon for a while and picked this as the one I wanted to do for a few reasons...one being the Tiffany's Necklace at the finish line...I mean HELLO! And the another being that it is in San Francisco. It will be amazing! This comes at a good time since I've needed something to motivate me to get my big bum moving.

Here's to wishing me luck!

A Personal Record!

I did the Provo half marathon on Saturday and set a personal record!!! It sounds way more dramatic than it really is. I did it in 2:06:35. My best time previous was 2:12. I was quite happy...but the thought of taking another step right now doesn't sound too appealing :) Congrats to me!

BE PRESENT!

This morning, I woke up very mad at the world and everyone in it. As I was getting the kids ready for the day, I was starting to think about everything that I was going to say to everyone that had made me so upset, and boy was it going to be GOOD!

As time went on, the anger turned to a sick nasty feeling inside me...I stopped for a second and thought about it...I wasnt going to accomplish ANYTHING by thinking of what I was going to dish out. I looked at my kids during all of this and realized that I needed to focus my energy on living in the moments that are bringing me joy. Also, my kids deserved to have my attention today rather than have me rant and rave in my mind about how i was going to soc it to someone. I need to be PRESENT!

When's this guy going to be done!

It was general conference over the weekend. I made the kids sit down and watch with me on the Sunday morning session. This was a new experience for the kids...and a funny one. I remember that my mom had us do conference bingo while watching so that it would keep us entertained and partially listening. So I quickly made some conference bingo cards for the kids. There was a talk from the former general young womens president that was about what "delights" her. She was saying the word delight many times through out the talk. I think it was bugging Kai because he said, "why does she keep saying that word! And what does it mean!" I told him it meant happy, so he proceeded to mark off the word HAPPY on the bingo chart. Then Elder Packard was speaking about how the quorum of the 12 was formed and Kai was getting SO bugged at this point. He said, "When is this guy going to be done! I havent been able to mark off anything on my bingo chart!" He took this bingo thing pretty serious I guess. Once the Elder Packard was done, he said, "Finally that guys is done!" He proceeded to be the only playing conference bingo and winning every time since the girls weren't interested in the least bit. All they wanted to do was to dance when the tabernacle choir sang.

So, my take aways from conference...as I was watching conference and President Monson got up to speak at the end of the first session. I thought, "I miss President Hinkley, It just isnt the same" I was in a way sizing Pres Monson up thinking..."I dont know about this guy, we'll see." SIDE NOTE: For all of you amazing people out there that are thinking...HOW COULD SHE QUESTION?...keep reading please!

It took no more than a few sentances to know that he is the real deal. When he said, "Together we shall move forward doing his work. I pledge my life, my strength, all that I have to offer in serving him." That was so powerful to hear. The spirit was so strong during that talk. It was so powerful and filled with compassion and love.

I also love the talk about the "Daughters of God" by M Russell Ballard. He said,
"The first question: What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?
First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.
Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. "

This is something that I am going to start doing more. Living in the moment.

You have no idea how strong my love is!

Good news...Its finally sunny today! So lets get this blog thing started. All of my friends are bloggers...I thought it was a very weird nerdy thing to do until I realized that I have alot in me to say and not always a listening audience :) So my audience is anyone that wants to read now. Love it.

I've been reading the book Eat Pray Love. If you havent read it...READ IT! I'm not done and it has only taken me about 4 months to get through it...slow reader...but I relish every moment of it. It just rings true in so many aspects of my life and our lives in general.

I wanted to post something from the book that hit me like a ton of bricks... is an excerpt from my most favorite part of the whole book...well if I had to choose just one. This is a true story...more of like a journal of a woman. She has been praying and struggling with her prayers, being scatter brained while she prays, feeling like she is not getting answers or connecting. She is so bound by guilt that she cant accept that she is entitled to be heard by God. She has been struggling with how she feels about herself and guilt for messing up relationships in her life....so here it is...

"When I tried this morning, after an hour of so of unhappy thinking, to dip back into meditation, I took a new idea with me: compassion. I asked my heart if it could please infuse my soul with a more generous perspective on my mind's workings. Instead of thinking that I was a failure, could I perhaps accept that I am only a human being - and a normal one, at that? The thoughts came up as usual - OK, so it will be- and then the attendant emotions rose, too. I began feeling frustrated and judgmental about myself, lonely and angry. But then a fierce response boiled up from somewhere in the deepest caverns of my heart, and I told myself, "I will NOT judge you for these thoughts."

"My mind tried to protest, said, "Yeah, but you're such a failure, you're such a loser, you'll never amount to anything-"

"But suddenly it was like a lion was roaring from within my chest, drowning all this claptrap out. A voice bellowed in me like nothing I had ever heard before. It was so internally, eternally loud that I actually clamped my hand over my mouth becuase I was afraid that if I opened my mouth and let this sound out, it would shake the foundations of the buildings as far away as Detroit."

"And this is what it roared:

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG MY LOVE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The chattering, negative thoughts in my mind scattered in the wind of this statement like birds and jackrabbits and antelopes-they hightailed it out of there, terrified. Silence followed. An intense, vibrating, awed silence. The lion in the giant savannah of my heart surveyed his newly quiet kingdom with satisfaction. He licked his great chops once, closed his yellow eyes and went back to sleep."

"And then, in that regal silence, finally- I began to meditate on (and with) God."

There you have it. I took so much away from this part! It is so true that we beat ourselves up with hatered and we judge ourselves so harshly. All in the same while, not allowing ourselves to be open to the power of prayer because we dont feel worthy. It has taken me SO long to figure this out...I am entitled to pray and be heard from God and to speak to him even if I feel like CRAP about myself. In fact, that is when he is there, waiting to say...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG MY LOVE IS!!! So that we can come to him for rest and solice. Which falls in line with the scripture...
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28–30).
I have never been a big scripture person (sorry about the honesty!) but everytime I hear this scripture I just feel so much relief and love.

Ok...so sorry about the spiritual tantrum...but I have lots of that in me at times and need to share. Even if it is with myself :)

Well, thats about enough for now, I'm going to split...i feel weird that I just spilled my guts. Dont worry folks, there's pleanty more where that came from.