The little Perezies own blog

I've decided to make a blog specifically for my kids and our adventures together. It is kaizoelucy.blogspot.com.

I'm going to keep this blog mainly for my my personal rantings and ravings. I have felt a little weird about not giving my kids thier share of the spotlight on my blog...so now they have thier own.

Enjoy

I heart ME!

I have set out on a little mission within my heart and head recently. I have decided to go on a little walkabout to learn to love myself. It is something that is completely foreign to me...I didn't think that it was THAT foreign, but as I've started studying myself I have come to realize that I was further away from it than I had thought.

I need to fall in love with ME. I need to love me enough to let go of shame, guilt, and the things that I have done that are hurtful, embrace the pure good in me and fill in the empty spots with things that will bring me peace.

This sounds all good and great right? Well, let me assure you my friends that this is a hard dang road, but a very rewarding road at that. I have turned my guts inside out and taken a good hard look at them. Not a pretty sight...but progress has come.

The purpose of this blog is so that I can actually make a statement of things that I love/like about myself. (I almost just barfed in my mouth when I wrote that...it makes my stomach hurt thinking about it really!)

Those of you that read this may not agree that you love these things about me...that's OK. Its not about what you love about me right now. Its what I love/like about me.
OK...Here goes...sending it out into the universe!

I like my sense of humor. A little edgy and sometimes crass...but it is something that I like about me.

I like my belly button. SAY WHAT YOU WANT...I love it.
(see..me still caring what other people think...AAAHHH!!!)

I love the way I love my kids. I sit on them and kiss them and nibble on them and smell them and cant get enough of every sense. They might not love it...but I sure do!

I love the way I speak to God. He gets me.

I like my eyes. But lets be clear here...not the wrinkles around my eyes, but my eye balls themselves. I have always liked the color of them.

I like that I am verbally equip if needs be. (I'm guessing that some may NOT like this about me, but hey...I like it)

I like my sense of style...or lack of style :)

I love that I'm not afraid of hard work and am a very hard worker (Thanks to my dad:)

And last but not least...

I like that I can apologize.

There you have it...what I like/love about me.

Running...UGH!!

I have taken a little break since my last half marathon from running. It was a hard race for me for some reason... I got so sick after and I thought...is this worth it?

Here's the thing with it. I am SO sick of fast runners...don't really care for them at all! Mainly cuz I'm jealous. Its like they have this elite little community and unless you can break a 7 min mile on a marathon they wont let you in their club. It bothered me so bad for a while...now i say screw em. I didn't start running to be able to bust out a 7 min mile marathon. I did it because of the way it made me feel. I did it because I felt that I had pushed myself to do something hard. I did it because it was a sense of accomplishment for me. I don't want to compare myself to others with running. It takes the fun and enjoyment out of it. (I still say screw em :) Oops...My jealousy rearing its ugly head again.

So this is my official "I'm still on the running wagon" blog. Running is for ME...no one else and if I were to just bag it because I feel bad?...well that's just stupid. For some reason I cant give it up. No matter how slow I am, i have to remind myself why I started running and why it is such an important thing for me.

So here is my update on my running...
My marathon training schedule started Monday...I had sworn it off like the plague...but decided that I just needed to do it if I was going to get through this marathon in October. I got out and ran 4 miles Monday. It felt great-ish. I ran outside and that part was awesome. I have been a slave to the treadmill for a while and am SO sick of it.

Then came Tuesdays run....I thought, I dont need to do it (lazy!) but I packed my running stuff for work in case I found it in me to do it. Well my co-worker Mikey is getting ready for the Wasatch Back and needed to get a run in too. So we drug each other out on a 5 miler or so...it was good to run with someone. I havent run with anyone for a while and it sure makes a difference.

Then today Wednesday...ran outside again. I felt great...listened to some awesome tunes and tried to clear my head. Oh I love running sometimes...best therapy ever.

So there you have it! I have been 100% diligent so far on keeping with my marathon schedule. All 3 days of it!

Job well done to me!

Pull it together you sissy!

Oh what a day... I wanted to share my experience. Too personal?...dont care!

I had a tearful weepy night last night and couldnt seem to pull myself out of it...I woke up not feeling a whole lot better. I started the day with a prayer for comfort and peace. I was very blah in my effort to talk to heavenly father. I felt so drained, tired and not wanting to put much into it...just wanted to have it taken away from me by just sitting there thinking about praying but not actually putting my full self into it. Lame...i know.
I got up and went to church to help ease some pain. Church was good...I felt a sense of love and comfort from some unexpected sources but was still so weepy and knowing that I needed to get my sorry butt to work later and needed to pull it together. I came home and hunkered down...got the kids fed, put dinner in the crock pot, cleaned up the house and headed to work. As I was pulling into work...oh the stupid floodgates burst! I was saying...WHAT THE CRAP AMY!! PULL IT TOGETHER YOU SISSY! SHEEZ!
I was early for work so I decided to read a little from the book I've been reading. I had lost my place in the book and it was marked on a page that I had already read. I opened it and started reading...one of my most favorite parts...this is what I read.
Here it is...
"I remember kneeling down one morning, touching my forehead to the floor and muttering to my creator, "oh, I dunno what I need...but you must have some ideas...so just do something about it, would you?"
"Similar to the way I have oftentimes spoken to my hairdresser. And I'm sorry but thats a little lame. You can imagine God regarding that prayer with an arched eyebrow, and sending back this message: "Call me again when you decide to get serious about this." (so funny)
"Of course God already knows what I need. The question is- do I know? Casting yourself at God's feet in helpless desperation is all well and good- heaven knows, I've done it myself pleanty of times - but ultimately you're likely to get more out of the experience if you can take some action on your end. "

She goes on to tell an old italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging, "Dear saint- please, please, please...give me the grace to win the lottery." This lament goes on for months. Finally the exastperated statue comes to life, looks down at the begging man and says in wary disgust, "My son-Please, please, please...buy a ticket."

"Prayer is a relationship: half the job is mine!"

This goes right along with the scripture... "Faith with out works is dead". Dont ask me where to find it...i just know that one from seminary.

After I read this sitting in my car I thought. DUH! I did just what she had done...muttered some desperate plea of "do something would ya?" I hadn't done my end of actually communicating with God of what I needed and how I was hoping he would help me. I then prayed...a very detailed prayer and had the heart to heart that we needed to have. I will say...Prayer works! The floodgates have closed for now :) All is good.

Our adventure to Cali...

I decided to take my kids on a little adventure this last week to California. It was so great! We went to the beach, the aquarium, disneyland and Seaworld. The kids were able to see Kerry and had a great time with him.
The kids were SO good for those 3 days. They had so much fun and were little troopers the whole time. We got up at 3 am on Wednesday morning to make our 6 am flight. I had given them a pep talk the night before about getting up ontime and not crying or whinning when I come to wake them up. I woke them up and they all 3 popped up out of bed without a wimper! They were dressed and ready to go within minutes. Kai and Zoe kept saying, "Come on mom...we're going to miss our flight. LETS GO!" We were out the door and ready to roll by 3:30 am. They were SO excited.
Kai and Zoe had to sit at the front of the plane alone and lucy and I were towards the back SEPARATED! It was quite funny to see Lucy sitting between these 2 big men...(dont worry folks I could see her the whole time!) she didnt move a muscle. Just sat nicely watching her tv and eating animal crackers. What a cool little girl!
At disneyland, the girls got thier pictures taken with the princesses...they were in heaven. Kai's favorite ride was star tours...I nearly hurled after! BLAH!
The beach was amazing...there is nothing better than the beach. Oh I love the beach! I took as many pics as I could and am excited to see how I can crop and zoom in to get some of my favorite sepia pics. They found a jellyfish even...dead of course! Poor lucy got rolled in a wave...fully dressed in a sweater and skirt. She was VERY mad about that. I remember the first time I got rolled in a wave...I never made peace with the ocean since. NO LIE! I need to overcome that I think. I love the ocean to look at and the beach to chill on, but the waves scare me. I need to add that to my list of accomplishments this year...MAKE PEACE WITH THE OCEAN :)
Then there was Seaworld...the place where as a kid I decided that i wanted to be a dolphin trainer and hung onto that dream until someone pointed out that I was going to have to be in the ocean. DANG IT! I still love dolphins and killer whales. I am so retarded...during the Shamu show I actually got teary eyed! HA HA! What a head case I am! Anyway, it was so cool to see. I tried SO hard to get Kai to touch a dolphin during the feeding time, but we didnt have any fish and those dang dolphins would come right up to us and we would reach as FAR as we could...but then would bale as soon as they realized that we didnt have the goods! Stupid Dolphins!
Kai told me that it was my black sleeve on my sweatshirt that was driving them away...i told him that I thought it was his orange sleeve...he rolled it up but still no luck.
All in all, it was a great trip. The kids were so happy to see Kerry and it was great to be in sunny california.
TTFN

Goals

Earlier this year, I wrote in my journal about the things that I want to accomplish this year. I figured I needed to throw them out there even further into blogworld...maybe then I'll actually do them.
Already I've noticed that a couple of them may not happen...I will revamp as the year goes on.
So here they are in no particular order...

My First Marathon (Schedule to take place on Oct 19th in San Francisco!)
1/2 Ironman (one of those that may not take place but will always be on the list)
Wasatch Back Relay (Running again with my ladies...GO TEAM PAIGE)
Travel outside of the US (I just applied for my passport...should be here soon!)
Read the B.O.M. (Making my way through some pretty slow stuff right now. Something about Isaiah)
Start School
Take Ballroom Dance
Keep a Journal (check!)
Lose 10 lbs (a newly added once since I chubbied up within the last couple of months)

Here are my kids goals...
OH! This first one kills me!!!! I have failed miserably already. Just keep moving forward!
No Yelling
Read 20 minutes a day with them
Read Scriptures to them daily
Hot breakfast 3x week or more
Good dinners nightly
Compliment them daily
Ask Questions about thier day
Teach them something every day

Ok...its out there...now lets see if I can deliver!

Finally...GRASS

I got it all done! I have to say that there is a sense of pride that I have by getting this yard in by my self...ok with the help of a team of 2 mexicans that can throw down a sprinkler system in a day...o0ps forgot about them. Ok...so what I meant to say is that the front yard is in...grass and everything. It looks great! I think...maybe is just looks great to me because I'm comparing it to the dirt that was there before. Regardless, I got all of the sod in with the help of Tonya and Jaime Brotherton. Love them! I was so happy to have their help today. I will post a picture of my work later.

One downer for the day...I wore my dang flip flops while I was laying the sod and my feet are now like SANDPAPER! They were so dirty and dry and UGLY! My feet look like they aged about 50 years today from walking in dirt all day. No Lie! Oh the scars of a hard working woman :) He he!

Friend of the day...

I just wanted to say HOLLLAA to my friend of the day... Emily! I couldnt ask for a sweeter lady in my life. Yesterday, she just showed up at my house with a little treat that looked exactly like the cupcake in the picture. It was all wrapped up in a box with a bow. She is such a great friend to me! I would post a picture of her, but she would probably kill me. (Not to mention, I dont think I have one.) I am so happy to have her in my life. I just hope that I can be there for her the way that she always is for me. I love you Em!

I GOT IN!!!!

After much deliberation and CRYING for a day straight about not getting into the Nike Women's Marathon...those sons of guns let me in!!! I can barely handle it! They messed up on my registration and didn't actually put me in the lottery after I had registered....so i emailed and called and waited. About an hour ago, I GOT MY ACCEPTANCE!!!

I've wanted to do a marathon for a while and picked this as the one I wanted to do for a few reasons...one being the Tiffany's Necklace at the finish line...I mean HELLO! And the another being that it is in San Francisco. It will be amazing! This comes at a good time since I've needed something to motivate me to get my big bum moving.

Here's to wishing me luck!

A Personal Record!

I did the Provo half marathon on Saturday and set a personal record!!! It sounds way more dramatic than it really is. I did it in 2:06:35. My best time previous was 2:12. I was quite happy...but the thought of taking another step right now doesn't sound too appealing :) Congrats to me!

BE PRESENT!

This morning, I woke up very mad at the world and everyone in it. As I was getting the kids ready for the day, I was starting to think about everything that I was going to say to everyone that had made me so upset, and boy was it going to be GOOD!

As time went on, the anger turned to a sick nasty feeling inside me...I stopped for a second and thought about it...I wasnt going to accomplish ANYTHING by thinking of what I was going to dish out. I looked at my kids during all of this and realized that I needed to focus my energy on living in the moments that are bringing me joy. Also, my kids deserved to have my attention today rather than have me rant and rave in my mind about how i was going to soc it to someone. I need to be PRESENT!

When's this guy going to be done!

It was general conference over the weekend. I made the kids sit down and watch with me on the Sunday morning session. This was a new experience for the kids...and a funny one. I remember that my mom had us do conference bingo while watching so that it would keep us entertained and partially listening. So I quickly made some conference bingo cards for the kids. There was a talk from the former general young womens president that was about what "delights" her. She was saying the word delight many times through out the talk. I think it was bugging Kai because he said, "why does she keep saying that word! And what does it mean!" I told him it meant happy, so he proceeded to mark off the word HAPPY on the bingo chart. Then Elder Packard was speaking about how the quorum of the 12 was formed and Kai was getting SO bugged at this point. He said, "When is this guy going to be done! I havent been able to mark off anything on my bingo chart!" He took this bingo thing pretty serious I guess. Once the Elder Packard was done, he said, "Finally that guys is done!" He proceeded to be the only playing conference bingo and winning every time since the girls weren't interested in the least bit. All they wanted to do was to dance when the tabernacle choir sang.

So, my take aways from conference...as I was watching conference and President Monson got up to speak at the end of the first session. I thought, "I miss President Hinkley, It just isnt the same" I was in a way sizing Pres Monson up thinking..."I dont know about this guy, we'll see." SIDE NOTE: For all of you amazing people out there that are thinking...HOW COULD SHE QUESTION?...keep reading please!

It took no more than a few sentances to know that he is the real deal. When he said, "Together we shall move forward doing his work. I pledge my life, my strength, all that I have to offer in serving him." That was so powerful to hear. The spirit was so strong during that talk. It was so powerful and filled with compassion and love.

I also love the talk about the "Daughters of God" by M Russell Ballard. He said,
"The first question: What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?
First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.
Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. "

This is something that I am going to start doing more. Living in the moment.

You have no idea how strong my love is!

Good news...Its finally sunny today! So lets get this blog thing started. All of my friends are bloggers...I thought it was a very weird nerdy thing to do until I realized that I have alot in me to say and not always a listening audience :) So my audience is anyone that wants to read now. Love it.

I've been reading the book Eat Pray Love. If you havent read it...READ IT! I'm not done and it has only taken me about 4 months to get through it...slow reader...but I relish every moment of it. It just rings true in so many aspects of my life and our lives in general.

I wanted to post something from the book that hit me like a ton of bricks... is an excerpt from my most favorite part of the whole book...well if I had to choose just one. This is a true story...more of like a journal of a woman. She has been praying and struggling with her prayers, being scatter brained while she prays, feeling like she is not getting answers or connecting. She is so bound by guilt that she cant accept that she is entitled to be heard by God. She has been struggling with how she feels about herself and guilt for messing up relationships in her life....so here it is...

"When I tried this morning, after an hour of so of unhappy thinking, to dip back into meditation, I took a new idea with me: compassion. I asked my heart if it could please infuse my soul with a more generous perspective on my mind's workings. Instead of thinking that I was a failure, could I perhaps accept that I am only a human being - and a normal one, at that? The thoughts came up as usual - OK, so it will be- and then the attendant emotions rose, too. I began feeling frustrated and judgmental about myself, lonely and angry. But then a fierce response boiled up from somewhere in the deepest caverns of my heart, and I told myself, "I will NOT judge you for these thoughts."

"My mind tried to protest, said, "Yeah, but you're such a failure, you're such a loser, you'll never amount to anything-"

"But suddenly it was like a lion was roaring from within my chest, drowning all this claptrap out. A voice bellowed in me like nothing I had ever heard before. It was so internally, eternally loud that I actually clamped my hand over my mouth becuase I was afraid that if I opened my mouth and let this sound out, it would shake the foundations of the buildings as far away as Detroit."

"And this is what it roared:

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG MY LOVE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The chattering, negative thoughts in my mind scattered in the wind of this statement like birds and jackrabbits and antelopes-they hightailed it out of there, terrified. Silence followed. An intense, vibrating, awed silence. The lion in the giant savannah of my heart surveyed his newly quiet kingdom with satisfaction. He licked his great chops once, closed his yellow eyes and went back to sleep."

"And then, in that regal silence, finally- I began to meditate on (and with) God."

There you have it. I took so much away from this part! It is so true that we beat ourselves up with hatered and we judge ourselves so harshly. All in the same while, not allowing ourselves to be open to the power of prayer because we dont feel worthy. It has taken me SO long to figure this out...I am entitled to pray and be heard from God and to speak to him even if I feel like CRAP about myself. In fact, that is when he is there, waiting to say...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG MY LOVE IS!!! So that we can come to him for rest and solice. Which falls in line with the scripture...
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28–30).
I have never been a big scripture person (sorry about the honesty!) but everytime I hear this scripture I just feel so much relief and love.

Ok...so sorry about the spiritual tantrum...but I have lots of that in me at times and need to share. Even if it is with myself :)

Well, thats about enough for now, I'm going to split...i feel weird that I just spilled my guts. Dont worry folks, there's pleanty more where that came from.