Team Paige/Wasatch Back 2008

I just read my girl friend Mandy's take on this last weekend of our race...it was the perfect description of what happened. I dont want to rip off her blog post...so I will try my best to share from my own experience.

We had an AMAZING experience last year as a team. We werent the fastest bunch, but we could hang. We had a great time together...bonded like most women dont bond in a life time since we were in such close quarters for so long. Unbelievably we finished with the same amount of enthusiasum as we started.

This year was a bit different for many reasons. One of them being a heartbreaking story about a little girl named Paige. Let me explain...

Last year we had my brother in law Chase's mom, Natalie come run with us. I hadnt really gotten to know her that well prior to that, but was excited that she would come help us out. She ended up being THE GLUE that held us together last year. She was the one that at the end of the race everyone could honestly say...I LOVE HER!!!! She wasn't the speediest, but we didn't care...we needed every bit of her to get through that race.


I continued to get closer to Natalie after that...I mean, how can you not! She is the best. In September, I got a call from my sister Heather letting me know that Paige, Natalie's 5 year old little girl had been killed in a car accident down in California. They were down there for Stephan's football game, but had decided to make a little trip of it and was on the way to see Wicked the musical, but they didnt make it. A semi hit them, essentially pinning Natalie in the car, crushing her ribs, and immediatly killing Paige. Paige had been asleep and did not suffer at all but was taken instantly.


I was so heart broken for my friend. She had been through so much already in life and to have this, was just unbelievable. I went to the funeral and as I leaned down to give her a hug and kiss...Natalie said, "Can we run for Paige?" I said, "Absolutely". I knew what she was talking about with her saying anything further. She wanted to run the wasatch back in honor of her little angel Paige.

We got a team together of past runners and some new recruits. We started the race on Friday morning at 10:20. I was so excited to be able to do this for my friend...I could tell that it meant so much to Natalie that we all were there to run in memory of Paige. Along the way, we started having some setbacks that made it difficult for our team. I was letting alot of it really get to me.


Unlike the year before, we had some things come along the way that were just so hard to put behind and move on. As a team, we were much slower this year. We felt like at times that we would just never finish. I lost or better yet...someone stole my ipod. My camera was busted and is irrepairable. I was trying my best to just let go of it and enjoy myself, but because of my own personal life...I couldn't. The ipod was BRAND SPANKING NEW! The camera was a pretty nice camera and if any of you have seen the pics I take of my kids...then you would know its a big part of my life. There were quite a few bumps in the road this year...ipods, cameras, injuries, personality clashes, slower than normal, and so on.


One of the true highlights of the race was the porta poties...I am NOT exagurating. They were an absolute treat. Last year however, that was not the case. The smell alone was something that could knock your sox off when you walked in. This year, Rebecca and I went to use the "Honey Bucket" around one of the first legs and I said, ok...hold your breath. I walked in and said, "WOW! It actually smells...GOOD!" They also were equipt with a hand sanitizer right in the "Honey Bucket". We loved them so much that our team name from here on out starting next year is "The Honey Buckets" Our slogan you ask? "Our shit dont stink". We might have adjust that to "Our poop dont stink". (Credit for that is due to Rebecca!)


My legs of the race were tough. I was not as prepared as I would have liked to be. Life has been busy and life changes have made it hard to get out and run. My first leg was Avon pass...WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! Never ever ever ever again will I do that. It was excrusiating. It was 7.5 miles up hill on a dusty road with not much shade that never seemed to end. To avoid rolling my ankle or falling, I started running funny and didnt notice it until I felt a pain in my knee. It was then that I noticed that I was running with my right foot turned out a bit. I was doing that to get a better footing on the ground, but it completely messed my knee up. My lungs felt great, but my legs were shot. I ended up doing about a 12 minute mile average up it. Which I was pleased as punch about. Sounds slow? Probably was...but give it a shot and let me know you do!


Then there was my leg 2. I was nervous about it because it was about 6 miles...mainly flat...but my knee was in alot of pain. I started running and within about 100 yards, I had a red hot burning pain on the outer part of my right knee. I kept running through it and didnt want to say anything to the van. I should have just shut up, but as they caught up to me, I let them know. I knew that I was slowing us down and I was DYING in pain. I was praying the whole time begging heavenly father to help me get through it and to let me continue. At the point that I couldnt take the pain any longer, I came up to the van and Rebecca was out ready to run...she said, Amy, get in the car, I'm running for you. I had gone about 3.5 miles before I couldnt take another step. Rebecca took off in a flash and finished the last of it for me. I got very emotional as I headed into the van and I'm so glad that it was dark so they couldnt see that I was teary eyed. I HATED with everything in me giving that leg up. I felt like such a failure. I was afraid that i wouldnt be able to do my next leg.


Then leg 3...I was bound and determined to get this leg finished one way or the other. There was no way I was going to let this get me. I was SO mad that I had given up the night prior. But not today! It was an easy leg of 4.5 miles downhill, but there was still in so much pain in my knee. I started down the hill and man alive it hurt...but I just blocked it out. I got into my groove and did it. I was so happy that i was able to redeem myself for my team for a bit.


I was also able to help out on leg 9... the leg before ragnar. It was exhausting to try to run up that thing, but we did it.

I was so blessed and lucky to have some great friends with me in my van...my aunt Rebecca and my good friend Mandy. They kept me sane through this race. I also met a new friend who was equally as genuine and I am so excited to get to know better, Andrea. We had many laughs along the way. One of my favorite moments was when we were waking up in the morning on day 2 after a pretty long decent sleep (not usually supposed to happen during these types of races, but being a little slower has its benefits I guess) and Mandy saying, "I am SO proud of us...I just can hardly believe that we are doing this!" I thought that she was refering to the race and that she was giving us a little boost of encouragement. She continued by saying, "I am just amazed that we can pull this off! Have 4 women sleep in a mini-van mashed in here like sardines!". I really gave it some thought...at that point in the race, that was more impressive to me than anything :)

While we were sleeping however, van 2 had a long night. Sweet Natalie was doing her best...she walked her leg with many of her team mates by her side. They pulled her along and did everything they could to encourage and keep her up. She herself was in a lot of pain because of her injuries. But she did it...she wanted to do it for Paige. I am so proud of her.


Along the way, we had many people come up and ask us to tell them about Paige. Many got teary eyed. A few mentioned that they had a hard time when we would drive past them while they were running because they would see this sweetest little girl's picture and new that it was in memory of her and that she was no longer with us. I know that Natalie touched many people along the way.

We finally finished after it seemed like 2 eternities had passed. By the time we came across the finish line there wasn't much left of a venue. I was very discouraged, sad, frustrated, and confused all at the same time. I had such a different vision of what this would be for our team, for Natalie, for me. Our team ran across the finish line together holding pictures of Paige...then it hit me when I saw Natalie, her son Stephan, Chase, and Brooke. That it was ok...we had been through hell and back throughout the past day and it was to a certain extent embarrasing, but it was ok. We werent there to be a big fancy fast team. We were there for a different reason, for our friend Natalie and for sweet Paige.

It has taken me a few days to really let that sink in. I had a very difficult night after I got home that night. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I was holding on to the fact that I had busted my rear to do something that was SO difficult and yet we still came in near to last place. I ran as fast as I could through excursiating pain because I didnt feel that we could afford to slack at all. I did the best i could possibly do and it seemed that we came up short. Along the way, we started joking about how we would get stuck in a hard spot while running and we would remember the old church video of the boy that fell down and then he heard the words of his father saying, "get up and finish the race". That ended up just being the goal...nothing more than just finishing the race. There was a point that I was in so much pain while I was running and just started praying and thinking about Paige. I know that she was there along the way...I know that she was there with her mom. I got very weepy during that run for a few reasons...one because I was thinking of how hard it would be to go through was Natalie has and then also because i just knew that Paige was there. I was still weepy when I had to bail on my run, some because I had to quit...others because of the spirit that I was feeling and the comfort I was feeling.

Even through all of that, I had to have and still am working on an attitude adjustment... just finishing was not good enough for me and it was eating me alive. I have since taken a good hard look at me, and have decided that it was all for a purpose. It doesnt mean I am happy about my ipod, camera, and hurt knee, but I am happy that I was able to maybe lift the spirits or help a friend in need. There will be other years to try to kick some butt...but this was not the year for it. I am greatful for this experience. I came home that night and put my kids in bed with me. I just held them and loved them and thanked Heavenly Father for allowing me to have them with me.


I was pretty lonely that night as well. I just wanted to have someone put thier arms around me and tell me that I did a good job. That even though it didnt turn out like I had thought that I still was awesome. I just wanted someone to take care of me and to help me with my injuries so that I could get feeling better. Just someone to lean on and let me cry to. I cried for hours that night...I tried to go to sleep but it was so hard to let go of the pitty party that i was having that night. It was a BIG OLE party. Some of the worst guests that seem to linger after you are ready for the party to be over...a guy named loneliness, a guy name heartache, his retared friend named discouraged, and who can forget the worst guest of all failure. I knew if I slept that i would be ok the next day. It was true, but I still had a major pitty party hang over :)


Things are better today...I'm looking at this for what it was and being greatful for it. I am looking forward for the race next year and the Honey Buckets debut.


All in all the lesson that I learned is to just get up and finish the race. No matter what.