You have no idea how strong my love is!

Good news...Its finally sunny today! So lets get this blog thing started. All of my friends are bloggers...I thought it was a very weird nerdy thing to do until I realized that I have alot in me to say and not always a listening audience :) So my audience is anyone that wants to read now. Love it.

I've been reading the book Eat Pray Love. If you havent read it...READ IT! I'm not done and it has only taken me about 4 months to get through it...slow reader...but I relish every moment of it. It just rings true in so many aspects of my life and our lives in general.

I wanted to post something from the book that hit me like a ton of bricks... is an excerpt from my most favorite part of the whole book...well if I had to choose just one. This is a true story...more of like a journal of a woman. She has been praying and struggling with her prayers, being scatter brained while she prays, feeling like she is not getting answers or connecting. She is so bound by guilt that she cant accept that she is entitled to be heard by God. She has been struggling with how she feels about herself and guilt for messing up relationships in her life....so here it is...

"When I tried this morning, after an hour of so of unhappy thinking, to dip back into meditation, I took a new idea with me: compassion. I asked my heart if it could please infuse my soul with a more generous perspective on my mind's workings. Instead of thinking that I was a failure, could I perhaps accept that I am only a human being - and a normal one, at that? The thoughts came up as usual - OK, so it will be- and then the attendant emotions rose, too. I began feeling frustrated and judgmental about myself, lonely and angry. But then a fierce response boiled up from somewhere in the deepest caverns of my heart, and I told myself, "I will NOT judge you for these thoughts."

"My mind tried to protest, said, "Yeah, but you're such a failure, you're such a loser, you'll never amount to anything-"

"But suddenly it was like a lion was roaring from within my chest, drowning all this claptrap out. A voice bellowed in me like nothing I had ever heard before. It was so internally, eternally loud that I actually clamped my hand over my mouth becuase I was afraid that if I opened my mouth and let this sound out, it would shake the foundations of the buildings as far away as Detroit."

"And this is what it roared:

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG MY LOVE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The chattering, negative thoughts in my mind scattered in the wind of this statement like birds and jackrabbits and antelopes-they hightailed it out of there, terrified. Silence followed. An intense, vibrating, awed silence. The lion in the giant savannah of my heart surveyed his newly quiet kingdom with satisfaction. He licked his great chops once, closed his yellow eyes and went back to sleep."

"And then, in that regal silence, finally- I began to meditate on (and with) God."

There you have it. I took so much away from this part! It is so true that we beat ourselves up with hatered and we judge ourselves so harshly. All in the same while, not allowing ourselves to be open to the power of prayer because we dont feel worthy. It has taken me SO long to figure this out...I am entitled to pray and be heard from God and to speak to him even if I feel like CRAP about myself. In fact, that is when he is there, waiting to say...YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STRONG MY LOVE IS!!! So that we can come to him for rest and solice. Which falls in line with the scripture...
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
"For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28–30).
I have never been a big scripture person (sorry about the honesty!) but everytime I hear this scripture I just feel so much relief and love.

Ok...so sorry about the spiritual tantrum...but I have lots of that in me at times and need to share. Even if it is with myself :)

Well, thats about enough for now, I'm going to split...i feel weird that I just spilled my guts. Dont worry folks, there's pleanty more where that came from.